


Cherry-Coloured Funk

by monetstcroix



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Blood Drinking, Humor, Jealous Sirius Black, M/M, Vampire Sirius Black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:54:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29722413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monetstcroix/pseuds/monetstcroix
Summary: Getting turned into a vampire turned out to be a surprisingly enlightening experience for Sirius.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Original Male Character(s), Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	Cherry-Coloured Funk

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song of the same name by Cocteau Twins.
> 
> There are a few descriptions of food/eating in here, including Sirius not needing those things anymore, so please take care of yourself if that's something difficult to read!

It started with steak.

Remus Lupin’s bloody steak, to be exact. The one indulgence Remus allowed himself was doling out a few extra galleons for an extra rare steak every month, the night after the full moon. Even though his transformations were tempered by the wolfsbane now, the potion did not completely drive out the wolf. 

“It makes me feel better,” Remus had mumbled once, cheeks slightly pink with embarrassment. But it wasn’t like Sirius ever felt shame over having his herb-roasted lamb or James his eggplant parmesan or Peter his spaghetti bolognese. So they all encouraged Remus to dig in, giving him hearty pats on the back.

Typically, Sirius didn't give Remus’s steak a second glance other than marveling at how it seemed barely cooked, the red of the meat still violently vivid. Sirius rather preferred the well-done meat of his usual lamb, the tenderness of the lamb perfectly balanced by the rosemary and thyme.

But tonight, he just could not take his eyes off Remus’s meat. As Sirius stared at the glistening steak, his mouth began to water. The air around him had a salty tang and he darted his tongue out to taste it, wanting only to lean forward and take a bite right out of that steak.

“Alright, Padfoot?” Remus asked, protectively hovering a knife between his steak and Sirius.

“I think he’s gone canine on us,” James commented.

“Just out of sorts,” Sirius shook his head and turned back to his lamb, sure that he had an incredible meal waiting for him there. Only it suddenly seemed unappealing, almost burnt, the scent of the herbs cloying.

It wasn't that he didn't want to eat. It had been a very long day cleaning out Grimmauld Place and dealing with all its assorted curses and hexes. Even though his mother had died months ago, there seemed to be no end to the horrors his childhood home contained. Neither Regulus, who was busy being Slughorn's protégé, nor Kreacher, who was at Hogwarts ready to assist Regulus with anything _he_ needed, were any help, of course. However, what was usually Sirius's favorite meal seemed like the last thing in the world that he wanted to eat right now.

All he wanted was that extra rare steak, the one Remus Lupin was currently stuffing into his mouth right now. But the one thing that Remus would not happily share was his monthly steak. No, Peter had tried to venture a taste of it once and nearly gotten scorched under the force of Remus’s murderous glare.

“Moony,” Sirius couldn't help sighing. He flopped his head down on the table.

“What is it?” Peter responded instead, seeing as Remus was currently occupied with his inhalation of the steak.

“’M hungry.”

“Then eat, mate,” James said, poking at Sirius’s head with a finger.

“Sod off.”

Eventually the pangs of hunger coursing through Sirius’s stomach persuaded him into choking the lamb down though he could not help but shoot a few mournful glances over at Remus’s plate, now empty with little evidence of the juicy steak that had been sitting there moments ago.

The lamb felt dry and tasteless in Sirius’s mouth and it was difficult to chew; it almost seemed that his teeth had grown in size, his canines clacking against his bottom teeth as he chewed.

Masticated, really. He remembered Remus telling them of that word’s existence once and the meal in the Great Hall they’d spent in fits of laughter as a result. Despite his lackluster meal, Sirius couldn't help smiling to himself over the memory and before long, made sure to remind all the other Marauders of that incident.

Dinner went by quickly, aided by all their shared recollections of many more meals in the Great Hall that had resulted in just as much fun. Soon, Remus and Sirius were left alone outside the restaurant, James having apparated home to Lily and Harry, and Peter having gone home to his girlfriend, Mary.

“What are you up to tonight?” Sirius asked Remus. He did not much feel like going home to his empty flat. No, a night spent with Moony sounded much more appealing.

“Nothing much,” Remus shrugged. “I think I’m just going to listen to a record, perhaps read a little.” Then he smiled slightly at Sirius, a little upward quirk of the corner of his mouth that always seemed to have an outsize effect on Sirius’s heart rate. “I wouldn’t mind having some company.”

“Some of Padfoot, you mean,” Sirius chuckled.

“Exactly.”

So they went off from there on Sirius’s motorbike. Even though they had been doing this much more often lately, especially now that Peter and Mary seemed to be properly getting serious, Sirius always enjoyed the warm, almost comforting feeling of Remus’s arms round his waist as they flew over muggle London. He didn't holler into Sirius's ear in excitement, like James did or cling to him tightly in fear that he'd fall off, like Peter did. No, Remus was only _there,_ steady against Sirius in the most wonderful way. 

It did not take them long to arrive at Remus’s little cottage just outside London.

Remus put a record on, opting for one of his favorites; the bright-red Talking Heads’ self-titled album. Then he went to the kitchen to make them both tea while Sirius lay back on the sofa, letting the familiar up-and-down of the opening crash over him.

Even though it was mid-spring, Remus’s home always felt cozy, a little burst of warmth in the cold blackness of the night. There was a woolly tawny-colored blanket over the back of the couch, which Sirius pulled over his legs, and the walls of the cottage were lined with shelves of books, records, and other assorted knickknacks, like a framed picture of the four Marauders at their graduation from Hogwarts. Through a window tucked between two shelves overflowing with books, Sirius could see the lights of London, little beacons in the dark foggy night.

“Here’s your tea,” Remus said, returning with two steaming cups of tea in his hands. He handed one, a heavy crimson mug, to Sirius and took the other into his hands. Almost instinctively, Sirius moved over to allow Remus some of the blanket and, as Remus slipped under it, their thighs bumped together, sending sparks flying up Sirius’s spine. And, oddly enough, making his teeth itch. 

Sirius quickly took a sip of the tea, in an attempt to dispel the feeling. It couldn’t be an allergic reaction when he had the same lamb dish every month. No, he was simply tired from his long day. But the tea was disgustingly bitter, sitting heavily in his mouth, even though Remus preferred to make it with abundant amounts of milk and sugar. 

“Tell me what you’ve been up to, Moony,” Sirius said, setting the tea down.

He always liked hearing about Remus’s magical creature research, his adventures in tracking down some obscure creature. Remus was happy to indulge him, smiling broadly as he told Sirius about his recent attempt to locate an Augurey in South Wales. The night went quickly from there and soon, both of them settled in for the night, Sirius transfiguring the couch into a bed. He did not think about the steak or his strangely itchy teeth once more that night. And the next morning, he had rather more important things to worry about.

* * *

The sun was _blinding_ , its beams burning into his skin in a horrific conflagration of heat and light. Sirius shouted curses, shutting his eyes as he scrambled for his wand, trying to attempt a spell that would cover up the blaze coming in through the window.

“What’s going on?” he heard Remus saying, then his footsteps on the worn wooden floor. And then, quite ominously, “Oh, no.”

Suddenly, the room was dark. Sirius tentatively opened an eye and found nothing but the cool dimness of Remus’s cottage. Remus was standing in front of him, a concerned look on his face.

“Why don't we sit down,” Remus murmured, guiding Sirius back to the bed. He put a hand on Sirius’s forehead, cool against his inflamed skin. With Remus’s soothing touch, it was very easy for Sirius to close his eyes and lie back down on the bed. 

“Oh,” Remus said softly to himself, as if he was confirming something.

“What?”

“Have you had any changes in appetite lately?” Remus asked.

Sirius thought of the steak yesterday, how disgusting his usual lamb had been. “I suppose.”

Remus murmured a summoning spell then, after a few seconds, said, “Smell this for me.”

Before Sirius could react, an abhorrent smell crept into his nostrils, forcing a hacking cough out of him. Thankfully, the smell disappeared just as quickly.

“What the bloody hell was that?! Doxy dung?” Sirius demanded, opening his eyes. Remus was standing over him with a frown on his face and something white and bulbous in his hand. 

“It’s garlic,” Remus said very softly, and oh, Merlin’s balls, what the hell was happening to him? The explanation seemed just within grasp, but it could not possibly be… “It’s a little too early to say anything for sure, but… it looks like you’re in the early stages of vampirism.”

“What!?” Sirius bolted upright.

“We need to get some blood in you,” Remus said, putting a hand on Sirius’s arm. “I’d give you mine, but unfortunately, werewolf blood doesn’t do anything for vampires.”

“Ah,” Sirius said, torn between being feeling strangely grateful that Remus would have offered his neck up as a snack for Sirius if he could (was this how Remus had felt when the other Marauders had gone through the transformation for him?) and utter shock over what was currently happening to him. Him, a vampire?

“So I think we need to take you to St. Mungo’s. They’ll have blood. I’m going to let Lily know,” Remus continued. Even though the current composure Remus was maintaining in the face of Sirius’s sudden transformation seemed very deliberate, as if he was forcing himself to stay calm, Sirius appreciated it. “Let’s just take this one step at a time.”

* * *

So that was how Sirius had ended up in this little narrow white cot in the Dai Llewellyn Ward of St. Mungo’s even though he had assured the healers that he really had not gotten chewed on by any suspicious-looking people lately. But, other than Lily, they had only stared at his newly elongated canines and made doubtful, disparaging noises before hurrying him to the Dangerous Bites Ward.

“Is this where you went?” Sirius asked Remus who was now sitting just beside his bedside with a concerned look on his face. “After the bite.”

“Yes,” Remus murmured. “Though I don’t remember that part very well.”

Sirius sighed, flopping back onto his bed. Lily had met them at the entrance, but then she'd disappeared into the depths of the hospital, saying that she would get him some blood no matter what it took.

“The healers keep looking at me like I’m barmy when I say I really don’t remember getting bitten by anyone or anything, but I really haven’t.”

“I…” Remus seemed to hesitate but then pressed forward. “There are other ways to become a werewolf. Other than getting bitten, I mean. It can be passed down genetically…”

“My sweet old mother was a lot of things but she certainly wasn’t a vampire,” Sirius muttered. Not that he hadn’t had suspicions along those lines when he’d been a boy, but her habit of having pasta with garlic sauce every night had quickly disproved that. No, her bloodsucking had been much more metaphorical than literal.

“Right, but in addition to that… lycanthropy can be also be passed on through magic. There’s a method I’ve read about, where there’s a certain curse…” Remus trailed off for a moment as if seeming to lose his train of thought, but then pressed on. “And I have to wonder if that’s what might have happened to you, just with vampirism. After all, you’ve been cleaning out Grimmauld Place for the past few weeks which, as you’ve said, is stuffed full to bursting with curses.”

“That makes sense,” Sirius said, frowning as he thought. It was really the only explanation that worked. He thought of the cursed objects he’d cleared out yesterday, the gleaming ruby-red brooch that had pricked his finger before he’d tossed it away. Although it had only drawn a lone droplet of blood, that might have been enough. He said as much and Remus nodded.

“The healers might not believe you, you know,” Remus murmured.

“Why not?”

“I’ve found that, ah,” and here, Remus’s mouth twisted into a thin frown, the one that always made Sirius’s heart clench in his chest. “That, well, healing professionals can sometimes be rather… closed-minded with regard to non-humans. Dark creatures.”

“You’re saying they’re bigots.”

“That’s the gist of it, yes,” Remus smiled slightly. “I think the important thing here is to get what you need and get out.”

“Blood,” Sirius said to himself. He was beginning to feel weaker and weaker, like he could barely manage getting up from this bed and walking back to the Floo. If this continued on for much longer, he thought he might completely fade away. 

“Right,” Remus said. “I’m not sure of the exact amount you’ll need, but I know that vampires can subsist on a weekly supply of blood. And that it doesn’t need to be taken fresh. St. Mungo’s has a stock of blood from donors. I know Lily and James donate blood regularly…”

“Guess I won’t be going round and biting people’s necks, shame,” Sirius chuckled, though he wished that he’d bothered with the whole donating blood business before. The healer passing by his cot shot them both a withering glare.

“Ah, you’ll find most people are rather sensitive when it comes to jokes about this sort of thing,” Remus muttered, tugging a hand through his hair.

“Sod them,” Sirius growled, crossing his arms. He was the one who had to deal with being turned into a bloody vampire—literally. The healers could take a few jokes.

“I shouldn’t complain because it’s subsidized by the Ministry, but it’s always an ordeal getting my wolfsbane… the questions they ask…” Remus said, very softly, and Sirius sat bolt upright even though the sudden movement made his head swim.

“You never told us, Moony!” All Remus had said of his monthly trip to St. Mungo’s to get his wolfsbane was that he was very thankful to have it and nothing more.

“I… er…” and here, Remus’s voice grew even smaller. “I didn’t think you would understand.”

“Well,” Sirius frowned as he realized that he really might not have understood, even just twenty-four hours ago. No, he would not have known the suspicious glances that almost all the healers, people who were meant to be helping him, gave his sharp teeth. He would not have known how one of the healers had shrieked when he had accidentally bumped her arm getting into bed. And he would not have known how none of them seemed to believe what came out of his mouth, how they all treated his words as if they were laden with lies. “Still. I’m here now.”

“Oh, Padfoot,” Remus smiled.

“So you’ll properly tell me about the nonsense they subject you to?”

“As long as you tell me about what they make you go through,” Remus said and then his fingers twitched against his denim-clad thigh as if he meant to reach out to touch Sirius, to give him a reassuring pat on the back or squeeze of the shoulder. Before Sirius could think this over further, perhaps reach out himself, a flash of red hair at the corner of his vision drew his attention elsewhere.

“Sirius, how are you doing?” Lily asked. She was wearing light blue healer robes, a white-stitched insignia of a crossed wand and bone on her chest. Even though she had been working at St. Mungo’s for about seven years now, only taking a break to have Harry, Sirius had never really seen her in this setting. It suited her. 

“Alright, but I reckon I'd like some of that blood now,” Sirius responded.

“Lily, do you know if it's on its way?” Remus asked.

“It is,” Lily confirmed. “I’m sorry for the delay. I had to fill out your registration papers…”

“Registration papers?” Sirius blinked in confusion.

“I have them too,” Remus mumbled. “Just like there’s a werewolf registry, there’s a…”

“Vampire registry,” Sirius completed with an irritated sigh. Bloody bureaucrats.

“Right, well. I didn’t want you to have to deal with paperwork on top of everything else, so I filled them out for you,” Lily said briskly, withdrawing a roll of parchment from her robes and handing it to Sirius along with a black pen. She firmly refused to use quills, instead preferring her muggle writing implements, and Sirius quite liked that she had kept up that bit of rebellion here. “Most of it is done, but I couldn’t complete the box for who bit you. And you’ll need to sign it, at the very end.”

Sirius glanced through the parchment. Some of the questions seemed standard, as standard as this could all be, things like his full name and date of birth, and some of it was just plain odd.

“Rate your homicidal tendencies on a scale of one to seven,” Remus read over his shoulder.

As if she shared Remus’s sentiment to “get in, get out” as quickly as possible, and she probably did, Lily had circled the lowest number on the scale even though the true answer was likely far higher. Sirius skimmed through the rest of the questions and the answers written in Lily’s neat handwriting, finding them all satisfactory, until he came to the box Lily had mentioned. Who had infected him with vampirism?

“A bloody piece of jewelry,” Sirius said as he scribbled the words down, and then added his signature at the very end of the scroll. “Well, that’s my registration done, then. I’m officially a vampire.”

“Congratulations,” Remus said dryly.

Sirius let out a loud laugh that resulted in another passing healer shooting a disapproving look at them. Not just passing, actually. That stern-looking healer was headed straight for them, a vial of dark red liquid in her hands. The air around him already seemed tantalizingly saltier. Sirius’s mouth began to water in anticipation.

“Your… ah, treatment,” the healer bit out, a pinched look on her face. She held the vial very gingerly, as if it would burn her fingers right off if she gripped it too tightly.

“I’ll take it from here,” Lily nodded curtly at the healer, an irritated look on her own face as she took the vial. The healer was all too eager to take Lily up on her offer, scurrying right away. Lily turned back to Sirius, holding out the vial to him.

“Just drink it up, like you would any other beverage,” Lily directed, a calm look on her face as if she was only telling Harry to drink his milk. Even though Sirius would never actually say it out loud, her demeanor was comforting, a lone spot of normalcy among all this.

“Right,” Sirius said, unscrewing the cap of the vial. The smell of the blood was intoxicating even though he would have turned his nose up at it only a day ago. But right now it seemed like the greatest delicacy on earth; his very own sanguine bliss. “Bottoms up.”

He chugged the blood right down, an exquisite explosion of spicy sweetness in his mouth. The effect was immediate. Already, he was sitting up straighter, feeling as if every cell in his body had been completely revitalized. Sirius thought he could walk right out of here and play an entire Quidditch match even though he had been wasting away only moments before.

“Take it easy,” Lily said as if she had read his mind. “Now, going out into the sunlight won’t ever be pleasant for you, but it won’t be a fraction as painful as it was this morning. If you keep a regular intake of blood, you should be able to go about your business as usual, just with a pair of sunglasses. St. Mungo’s supplies blood by Floo delivery, so I’ve gone ahead and set that up for you. It’s a weekly delivery of about twenty liters, but we can adjust the dose if you need more.”

“You’re brilliant, Lils. And you too, Moony,” Sirius said, suddenly overwhelmed by a wave of gratitude for these two best friends that were here with him now, helping him into this strange new world of being a vampire.

“I try,” Lily smiled, patting his hand. “Now, do you want to get out of here?”

“Yeah,” Sirius said immediately, already sick of the arsehole healers, the scratchy bedsheets, and the cloying lemon scent in the air.

“If you’d like, I can come home with you,” Remus offered.

“Yeah, of course I’d like,” Sirius grinned. “Let’s go, then.”

Even though Sirius managed to get out of bed easily with a swing of his legs, he still felt slightly unsteady on his feet. Remus quickly put an arm around him and it seemed the simplest thing in the world to just lean on him.

“Let’s take it one step at a time,” Remus murmured into his ear, and oh, his fingers were gently rubbing little circles into Sirius’s back so it was easy to nod and let Remus take the lead back to the Floo.

Even though the fireplaces were on the opposite end of the floor, about a ten minute journey, they endured several shocked gasps and terrified glances from the passing healers.

“Suppose they’ve never seen a vampire and a werewolf together. Well, it’s their bloody lucky day,” Sirius growled and Remus’s hand on his back tensed slightly. Lily shot the other healers angry glares, making some of the more timid shrink away in shame. Thankfully, the three of them managed to make it to the Floo with little incident. They left Lily from there, Lily promising Sirius that she would bring James and Peter round later so he could have moral support from all his best mates.

* * *

When they arrived at Sirius’s flat, Remus led him from the fireplace to the sofa and settled Sirius there before sitting down next to him. It was then that Sirius noticed that something had changed. There was no trace of salt in the air anymore.

As Lily and Remus had helped him to the Floo, there had been a slight, ever-present trace of salt in the air. Not overwhelming, but enough that Sirius noticed it like he would a slight breeze. It must have been coming from Lily, Sirius realized, even though he was certainly not planning to make a meal of her, nor anyone else. Sirius supposed that it was lucky it had been him who’d gotten poked by that cursed brooch. Another member of his family would likely have happily taken the excuse to chomp on any muggle they could. He also knew that his mother would have been horrified to have one of her sons turned into a vampire, one of those Dark creatures she abhorred so. Sirius resolved to make the best of this situation to spite her as much as he could, hoping that she would be rolling in her grave right at this moment. Served her right.

But Remus didn’t have that tempting scent of blood about him. No, he just had the same lovely Moony-smell of cinnamon and old papery books, mixed in with the slight pine scent of the wolf. Sirius glanced at Remus, suddenly filled with the urge to launch himself across the couch and surround himself with that smell. He might think it was another unusual side effect of vampirism if the feeling hadn’t come over him several times before.

“What are you in the mood for?” Remus asked. He was leaning over the table, flipping through the stack of records lying on it.

“You pick.”

Remus nodded, perusing the records with a look of deep concentration on his face that made Sirius’s chest warm, and then plucked out one. He sent it to the record player pushed up against one wall with a flick of his wand. Before long, a familiar drumming tempo started, filling his flat with Joy Division.

“Just what I needed, Moony,” Sirius smiled, leaning back on the couch and flopping his head onto Remus’s lap, drinking in Moony’s comforting scent.

“I’m glad,” Remus said after a few seconds, and then, almost tentatively, his hand came up to card through Sirius’s hair.

“Mm,” Sirius said, closing his eyes. He felt incredibly calm and content here with Remus and the music washing over him, especially in comparison to the hectic morning he’d just had. “Keep doing that.”

Sirius was woken an hour or so later by James, Lily, and Peter’s arrivals, little Harry and a large wooden box in tow.

James immediately made a beeline for Sirius, pulling him up into a bone-crushing hug before quipping, “You’ve gone all vampire on us!”

“Now we’ve got a vampire and werewolf in the group,” Sirius said, stepping forward to give Peter his own hug. “Just need James to kick the bucket and come back as a ghost to round it all out. Pete’s good as he is, his mug’s right ghoulish, isn’t it?”

“Hey,” Peter mumbled, staring down at his feet.

Sirius felt a small nudge at his ankle and turned to see Remus giving him a disapproving frown, poking at Sirius’s leg with the tips of his toes. That had been happening much more often lately, Remus giving him little indicators like a nudge in the side when Sirius said something that was a bit more than off-color. It was strangely reassuring to know that even Sirius being turned into a vampire had not changed that.

“Or not,” Sirius corrected hastily. “Nah, you’re looking good, Pete. Have any Veela blood in your family?”

Peter visibly brightened at his words, standing up straighter, which somehow made Sirius feel better. Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius could see Remus’s small, approving smile. It kindled the warmth lying in Sirius’s chest, like feeding twigs into a fire. 

“Hello Harry!” Remus suddenly exclaimed, face breaking out into a wide smile as the boy jumped up on the couch to give him a hug.

“Hi, Moony!” Harry grinned up at him.

Sirius came over, giving the boy a hearty pat on the back.

“Harry, guess what?”

“What?” Harry asked, looking up at him. Even though the boy was nearly five now, it still astounded Sirius how the green of his eyes matched Lily’s.

“Your godfather’s a vampire now,” Sirius told him.

“Oh,” Harry’s eyes widened behind his round glasses. Despite his resemblance to Lily there, the poor eyesight was all James. And then Harry grinned broadly, looking even more like his father. “Cool!”

“If only everyone had that reaction,” Remus said dryly.

“So we’ve got to come up with a new nickname for you,” James said thoughtfully. “Hm… Fangs? Bitey?”

“Try calling me those and I’ll take a bite right out of you,” Sirius said. But James’s words brought to mind the origins of his proper nickname. He glanced at Remus, who had once said it wouldn’t ever be possible for him to become an Animagus himself since the full moon coincided with the ritual. “D’you think I can still transform?”

“I don’t see why not,” Remus said. “But I don’t know as much about Transfiguration magic as you do.”

“I think there’s only one way to find out,” Peter suggested and Lily nodded. They all quickly cleared a space around him.

“Right, then,” Sirius said, tension coiling in his chest. Summoning the dog ought to be as natural as breathing, as eating, but he didn’t exactly need to eat anymore, did he? With a deep inhale, Sirius closed his eyes, searching for the dog resting just under the surface of his skin, and—

“First ever vampire dog!” Prongs exclaimed, grinning madly. Through the dog's eyes, there was little change in the world other than the newly-muted shades of the flat around him, color leaching out of the world. Only the scents of his friends around him seemed different to the dog; they had that same salty tang the man could detect, albeit much stronger.

Sirius quickly shifted back, relief spreading through his body. It had been ten years of having the dog in him, its canine instinct etched deep into his bones. By now, it seemed an integral part of him, nearly like another one of his best friends. He was not sure what he would have done if it was gone, but he did not much like to think about it.

“That’s good to know,” Lily said, a thoughtful bent to her expression. “Unfortunately, there hasn’t been much research into how Animagus magic works with non-humans…”

“Or much other research regarding non-humans,” Remus murmured. “No, it’s often something we need to work out on our own.”

Sirius frowned, glancing at Remus. “And you’ve had to do that quite often?”

“A little,” Remus said softly in a vague way that suggested he’d really had to do it quite a lot. “I have some friends among the werewolf community. That’s actually how I found out why Fizzing Whizbees make me ill... they’re brewed in silver cauldrons.”

“That’s good,” Sirius frowned. In the past, he had often been jealous of Remus’s visits to his werewolf mates out in the country, but now he felt slightly sad instead. The Marauders could keep Remus company through full moon nights, but they could not warn him of silver-brewed sweets. 

“And I do also have a few vampiric acquaintances, as it happens,” Remus continued.

“You’ve got to introduce me, then,” Sirius said.

“Of course,” Remus nodded. “I was planning to owl my, er, my friend Luc who’s also a vampire so that you can meet with him. He was turned quite recently as well, just a few years ago, so he’s familiar with the transition period.”

“Brilliant, so you’ll have a vampire mate to help you out too,” James said, giving Sirius a reassuring pat on the back.

“I suppose,” Sirius said. There was something odd about the way Moony spoke of this bloke, like they’d had some sort of falling out, but he’d properly find out what was going on soon.

His friends stayed for the rest of the evening, the other five clearing out Sirius’s refrigerator since he didn’t much feel like eating proper food anymore. No, he only wanted a bit of blood, that scarlet ambrosia.

In that large wooden box, Lily had brought several vials of blood, kept ready for consumption by a charm. For his dinner, Sirius ended up pouring some into a wineglass, the crimson nearly reaching the rim.

“Doesn’t look so different from real wine!” James tried to say cheerfully even though he looked slightly queasy. Peter was actively averting his gaze, staring down at his chicken as if it was the most fascinating thing he had ever seen, and Lily was occupied getting Harry to stop staring at his godfather drinking blood and finish all his veggies. Only Remus looked steadily back at Sirius, a relaxed expression on his face as if nothing was amiss. And Sirius supposed it really wasn’t, that this was the way life had got to go for him from now on. At least now he wouldn’t have to bother with cooking spells anymore. 

* * *

The next morning, Remus came early with the news that his vampire friend would be arriving at Sirius’s flat soon. His timing was very fortunate, for Sirius had just discovered another side effect of his vampirism.

“Mirrors don’t work anymore,” Sirius sighed. He’d been reminded of that fact when he’d gone to the bathroom to brush his teeth and found nothing in the mirror but a floating toothbrush. “I’ll have to rely on you and Wormtail to tell me if I’ve got something on my face. Prongs will just try to stick things into my hair.”

“Ah, well, I can say that you look quite handsome today, as always,” Remus said. His cheeks were slightly pink. “Er, just…” Remus reached forward, tucking a strand of Sirius’s hair behind his ear. “There.”

“Thanks, Moony,” Sirius smiled. The warmth in his chest from yesterday, apparently ever-present around Remus now, seemed to have grown into a blaze.

A knock sounded at the door and they both jumped.

“Is that your vampire friend? Why didn’t he just Floo here?” Sirius asked, standing up.

“That’s another part of it,” Remus explained as he got up. “You need to be invited in. It doesn’t apply so much for public buildings like St. Mungo’s or your friends’ homes, but if it’s a stranger…”

“Great,” Sirius mumbled as Remus strode to the door and opened it. Then, more loudly, so his new guest could hear him. “Here’s your invitation, mate!”

“Thank you, Black,” Remus’s vampire friend—Luc, Sirius recalled—said, sweeping into the room.

Luc was wearing a heavy black leather cloak (rather a bit much, a simple leather jacket was the perfect balance between casual and dramatic) and dark sunglasses. Like Remus, he did not have a salty scent to him, instead smelling of cigarettes. His inky black hair was ever-so-carefully tousled in an apparent attempt to achieve a careless look.

“Remus tells me you’ve recently undergone the change,” Luc continued, putting an emphasis on the last word as if it ought to be capitalized. He had a slight French accent. Sirius wondered if he was putting it on to seem more posh.

“Right, got poked by a cursed brooch,” Sirius said, crossing his arms.

“It’s less common than being turned from a bite, of course, but it’s not unheard of,” Luc nodded. Despite his growing irritation with the bloke’s general existence, Sirius was relieved to find easy understanding there.

From there, Luc proceeded to give him a crash course of the ins and outs of vampirism. Even though the bloke was a bore, and frankly, seemed to be trying much too hard to project a dark, broody demeanor, Sirius had to admit that he knew this bloodsucking business pretty well.

He explained to Sirius that vampires weren’t actually immortal, that it had resulted from some sort of mix-up between vampires’ blood-drinking and the elixir of life created by something called the Philosopher’s Stone. Sirius actually found that to be a relief, as he did not much like the idea of outliving any of his friends. Luc also told him about little details Sirius wouldn’t ever have thought of, like how putting a layer of muggle sunscreen on before going out in the daytime would prevent the slight burning sensation that came with the sunlight. 

"And this is a mirror that will work for you, Black," Luc said. He reached into his cloak and withdrew a shining rectangle of metal, then handed it to Sirius. 

Sirius blinked down at it in surprise, finally able to see his own visage properly.

“You will find that most mirrors do not work for us because they contain some amount of silver, but this one is treated with a potion that, ah, what’s the word…" Luc continued. 

“Counteracts the silver,” Remus suggested.

“Precisely,” Luc smiled at Remus and Sirius was suddenly overcome by a fresh wave of irritation towards Luc.

Glaring down at his reflection in the mirror, Sirius bared his teeth at himself to finally get a good look at his chompers. His canines seemed twice as big as they had been and much sharper. They also seemed a bit bigger than Luc’s, which was oddly satisfying.

“I think they suit you,” Remus murmured.

“Got to be hard snogging with these things,” Sirius commented, looking up at them. While he had not gone out with any blokes lately, preferring instead to spend his nights listening to music with Remus at one of their places, Sirius was sure he would find himself a nice bloke eventually, and he didn’t much fancy stabbing whoever that man would be with his teeth.

Luc and Remus’s eyes immediately darted to each other and then they both hastily looked away, Remus staring at his feet and Luc suddenly becoming very interested in studying the color of Sirius’s couch.

“You, ah, you get used to it. It’s not bad, quite the opposite,” Remus managed, and then lapsed into mortified silence again, a blush rising on his face. Oh. Forget irritated, Sirius bloody hated this Luc bloke.

“I think it’s time for you to be going,” Sirius told Luc, trying to resist the urge to growl at him. He mostly succeeded.

“I have not even started telling you about Italian rest—”

“It’s alright. I’ll manage,” Sirius forced a smile, his canines intimidatingly on display. “Let’s stick to correspondence by owl, yeah?” 

Once Luc was out, Sirius turned back to Remus.

“Did you find that helpful?” Remus asked, now staring at Sirius, his mouth in a steely line as if he was daring Sirius to bring up the revelation that had just occurred.

“You snogged him,” Sirius said anyway, because there was really nothing else he could think about at that moment.

“I suppose I did, yes,” Remus managed even though he was beginning to bear more than a passing resemblance to a beet.

“He’s your… boyfriend?” Sirius asked, the words feeling much like that lamb from two days ago had in his mouth. Dry, tasteless, and awful.

“No, no,” Remus said quickly. “We dated for a little while, but decided we were better off as friends.”

“Good. He’s a massive bore,” Sirius said briskly, feeling as if a weight had suddenly been lifted off his shoulders.

“I do prefer people that are, hm, more mischief-minded,” Remus smiled, finally relaxing.

“Yeah, like me,” Sirius said immediately, the words tumbling out of his mouth as if of their own accord, and Remus’s eyes widened. Even though Sirius was used to speaking without thinking, he was suddenly having second thoughts about what he had just said. Thoughts shaped very much like _especially me_ instead.

“Er, so you were concerned about the snogging bit,” Remus attempted to change the subject even as Sirius was beginning to reevaluate quite a few things. “Obviously I don’t know what it’s like myself, but I’ve been on the other end. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

“Seems hard to get used to, though, like you said,” Sirius said, poking at his canines with his tongue. They felt quite sharp. But if Remus liked that sort of thing…

“I could, er,” Remus started and then immediately looked mortified.

“You could what?” Sirius pressed. If he couldn’t get Remus to address this head on, then he would just annoy him into doing it, a time-tested Marauder tactic.

“I could… damn it, Sirius. I could help you work it out,” Remus said in a rush, conceding much more quickly than Sirius had thought he would.

“Well,” Sirius said. Even though he supposed he was a beginner of sorts here, he was quite sure that he’d still be much better at snogging than that Luc chap. He smiled at Remus, stepping forward. “You always come up with the best ideas, Moony.”

Remus nodded briskly, though he still looked flustered. “Right, then.” 

They both leaned forward at the same time and—

“Ow!” Sirius bit out, rubbing his nose. They’d both come at it too quickly and ended up violently smashing noses.

“Follow my lead?” Remus suggested, a tentative look on his face. Sirius eagerly nodded despite his still-smarting nose. He was in the midst of realizing that he would be quite happy to follow Remus anywhere.

So, he waited as Remus put a hand on his cheek, gently drawing Sirius closer as he leaned in. It started out as a simple, warm press of lips but that was the easy part, so Sirius moved forward, opening his mouth. Remus’s mouth was hot against his, but then when Sirius tried to pull him closer, his fangs collided violently with Remus’s teeth.

“Merlin,” Sirius drew back immediately, sure that Remus would be upset, that Remus would not ever want him near his mouth or even any of his extremities again… “I'm complete rubbish at that now.”

But Remus only chuckled. His hand was still on Sirius’s face and his thumb traced Sirius’s cheekbone, a little trailing line of heat that Sirius wanted all over him. “It’s okay, Padfoot. I think you just need to come at it from a different angle. Can I show you?”

So, again, Sirius nodded and waited for Remus to guide him, to press his mouth against Sirius’s again, and to tilt their heads so that they could snog properly, avoiding any chance of impalement on Sirius’s new fangs. Remus actually seemed rather enthusiastic about that bit, eagerly deepening the kiss as he tangled a hand through Sirius’s hair.

Several seconds—or minutes, Sirius wasn’t sure, such things as time seemed unimportant around Moony—they both finally pulled away, panting heavily. Remus’s eyes were dark, his mouth slightly open as he stared back at Sirius.

“A bit more practice?” Sirius ventured, wanting nothing more than to pick up exactly where they had left off and go much, much further. “After all, old Flitwick said there’s no such thing as too much practice.”

“Please don’t talk about any of our old professors while we’re doing this,” Remus said, and yes, Sirius was very much in agreement with that. Then Remus leaned forward again, but not all the way, a question in his raised eyebrows. And there was only one way to respond to that, so, of course, Sirius answered it by meeting his mouth.

Somehow _that_ snog resulted in both of them ending up on the couch, Remus pressing him down into the cushions as Sirius’s body reassured him that, despite the whole being technically undead thing, his blood flow to certain places was still working quite as intended. And then Remus’s thigh ended up between Sirius's legs as he groaned into Sirius's neck and well, that was much more than incredible.

“So your type’s vampire blokes?” Sirius asked after, as Remus lay on his chest, Sirius’s fingers carding through his light brown hair threaded with a little grey, which was surprisingly soft.

Remus abruptly straightened up to look him in the face. “No, no, I mean, I liked you before… for quite a while, now,” Remus said hastily.

Sirius could only chuckle, filled with happiness that he had this wonderful man here with him. “I think I did too. Just had to come at it from a different angle.”

Remus smiled broadly at him then, and well, that outshone everything else that had just happened in its brilliance.

“And here I thought you only fancied a bite of my steak.” 

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is quite ridiculous, but I enjoyed writing it. And yes, Luc is short for Alucard. Find me on tumblr at greywarde!


End file.
